by Mike Robbins
Author, Nothing Changes Until You Do
With the recent launch of my new book, Nothing Changes Until You Do, I’ve been reflecting a bit on the whole experience of writing this new book and now putting it out into the world. As with my previous two book writing and launching experiences, it has been exciting and challenging on so many levels.
But unlike the first two books, this time it wasn’t so hard. Maybe it’s because I’m a few years older and have a little more perspective or maybe it’s because the focus of this book is on our relationship with ourselves, but what I’ve learned this time around is that it really is all about me! What I mean by this is that writing and promoting a book are actually relatively easy things to do, it’s dealing with myself that’s the hardest part.
I think this is true with most of the things we do in life – even the most challenging ones. It’s usually our own fears, doubts, insecurities, attachments, and resistance that makes things difficult, not so much the things themselves. Whether it’s our jobs, our relationships, our goals, our physical health, our finances, or anything else that’s important to us – regardless of the specific circumstances we’re facing, when we make peace with ourselves and what’s going on, life tends to flow with more ease, joy, and grace. When we’re not at peace with ourselves or life, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are; we suffer.
Three of the main themes of my new book are also three of the main things I’ve been learning in the past year as I’ve worked on this book. I’m no longer surprised when I end up learning what I set out to teach.
Here are three core lessons for how we can make peace with ourselves at a deeper level:
1) Have Compassion For Yourself – Self-compassion is one of the most important aspects of life and growth, but is often something we either overlook, think is “soft,” misunderstand, or simply don’t know how to practice. There are three key elements to self-compassion. First of all, mindfulness and awareness for how we’re treating ourselves. Second of all, a sense of kindness and forgiveness towards ourselves. And, third, a realization of our common humanity with others -that we’re not alone in our experience. As I’ve been promoting my book, it’s way more fun and successful when I’m able to be gentle and kind with myself and reduce my self-criticism.
2) Surrender to Life as it Actually Is – Surrendering isn’t about giving up or giving in, it’s about making peace with what is even if we don’t like it. A big paradox in life is that until we can be at peace with what’s actually happening in the moment (i.e. letting go of our resistance and of our obsessive focus on how things should be), we’re not able to make the changes we want or to experience the joy we desire. During the writing and editing process, whenever I’d resist, judge, or fight against what was happening, I’d suffer. However, when I was able to allow things to be exactly as they were, it is remarkable how easily things have flowed.
3) Take Ownership for Your Life – Ownership is about taking full responsibility for our lives and for what shows up around us. This can be tricky for a few reasons. First of all, we live in a culture that loves to blame and make excuses, so we’re swimming in that ocean all the time. Second of all, there are a lot of things that happen in and around us that we don’t have direct control over (other people, economy, weather, and many circumstances and situations). However, we always have a choice about how we relate to what’s going on and how we interpret the things happening around us and even within us. When we take ownership for our lives, we let go of blaming and making excuses. And, we make a commitment to ourselves that we’re going to create the life we truly want – not simply react to life as if it is happening to us.
These are all fairly simple concepts, but like many things I write and speak about, understanding them is quite different than practicing and embodying them. When we’re able to have empathy and compassion for ourselves, and remember that truly nothing can change until we change, we’re reminded that we’re the source of our own pain, joy, difficulty, and success.
About Mike Robbins
Mike Robbins is the author of three books, including his latest, Nothing Changes Until You Do. He’s a sought-after speaker who speaks to groups of all kinds throughout the world. Mike has been featured on ABC News and the Oprah Radio network. He writes for the Huffington Post and his books have been translated into 14 different languages. For more info about Mike and his work, visit www.Mike-Robbins.com